Chapter 3 

You know it’s weird to have another person’s mind in your mind, confusing? It is for me too, and I’ve been living like that for months now. Sometimes it drives me crazy, I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried everything I can think of. I’ve tried to put up barricades around my own mind to keep his out, but no matter how hard I try, he’s right there breaking it down again.  

What unsettles me the most with the whole deal is how I get affected by what he’s thinking. I know he’s not doing it on purpose, but it’s really frustrating to have to deal with his bad thoughts. Those bad thoughts gets me in a bad mood, one time it got so bad I stayed at a hotel for three days.  

I know he’s fascinated by how I know what he’s thinking, but I also know that he knows it’s not just all fun and joy for me. I remember the day Ryo had tied him to the bed, gagged him and blindfolded him. I could hear him long before Ryo could. I still get chills running down my spine when I think about it. We ended up going to the movies that day, I wanted to do something nice for Tatsuya. We saw a comedy and laughed all the worries away. Unbeknownst to Ryo, who still thinks we just stayed away for the whole day, we stayed at a hotel that night. Tatsuya didn’t say anything to me, but I knew what he was thinking, and he didn’t want to go back there yet. That night was also the first time I slept with him. 

I’ll admit I might not be the brightest of all people, Ryo would definitely say I was more like the stupidest person alive, but I know what I have to do to get Tatsuya into a good mood, even without reading his mind. Ryo could do it too, if he had spent enough time with him outside of bed. I won’t say I know anything about their relationship, cause I don’t, just like Ryo doesn’t know anything about the relationship Tatsuya has with me. I would however sometimes like the fact that Tatsuya only belonged to me, that there was no Kame and no Ryo, there to ruin every moment.  

Lately I’ve felt something inside me. We’ve changed, all four of us and it’s not for the better. A decision will have to be made soon, but who’ll make it? Tatsuya or us? 

--- 

I hear my alarm clock go off and slam my hand to somewhere I think it is. My hand makes contact with something soft instead, and reluctantly I open my eyes. My hand is amazingly enough placed softly on Tatsuya’s face. I wonder when he came here, I went to bed alone last night.  

I blow some air on him and smile as he wrinkle his nose. He’s too damn cute like this! Getting more persistent I take a loose thread from my pillowcase and lightly drag it over his face. This would’ve gone so much better had it been a feather! 

He doesn’t react to the thread, so I throw it away and settle for lightly tracing my fingers across his face. When my finger is at the crinkle of his left eye, he suddenly opens his eyes. It scares the hell out of me, and I accidentally poke him there quite hard. He swats my finger away and gives me and irritated look, but then he smiles. 

“Good morning!” he chirps, and I wonder how he can be this energetic in the morning. 

“Morning.” I murmur back and lay on my back, my hands tucked behind my head.  

I hear him change his position and soon his head is lying on my chest. I like this, it’s a nice way to start the morning. There’s also happy thoughts in his mind, and not sad and hurt thoughts that I’m usually introduced to.  

“Ne, want to do something together today?” Tatsuya asks. 

Do I? I think I do, we haven’t been together just the two of us for some time now. “Sure, what do you want to do?” 

Tatsuya thinks for a moment before he smiles up at me. “Can’t we go to the park? And feed the birds there?” 

I think about it for a short moment, it’s not a bad idea, and it’s something different from what we usually do. “Yeah, we’ll go to the park and feed the birds.” 

“Really?!” He asks and I nod. He jumps out of the bed. “I’ll get the things we need ready. It’s cold outside today, so you have to wear something warm.” He warns me and leaves me alone in my bed.  

I snuggle into the covers for a moment, but realises, when I’m half way to dreamland, that it’s not a good idea. I throw the covers off me and stumble over to the closet. I drag out some clothes I suspect to be warm and quickly get dressed.  

When I get out of my room, Tatsuya is waiting for me at the front door. Ryo is strumming his guitar, ignoring the both of us. Kame comes out of the kitchen and hands Tatsuya a plastic bag with left over bread.  

“Have fun at the park.” He says and kiss Tatsuya lightly on the cheek.  

I feel my stomach turn and all I want to do is take Tatsuya out and never ever come back here. I know, however that I can’t do that, Tatsuya would probably be angry at me and Kame and Ryo wouldn’t forgive me.

--- 

We’re sitting on a bench in the middle of the park. Our breath shows in the cold weather, as we exhale. I’m glad Tatsuya told me to take some warm clothes on, cause it’s really cold today. Tatsuya tosses some bread to some of the birds that lingers around us. He’s cute there he sits, hands covered with white mittens, around his neck he has a white scarf and a white hat on top of his head. I take some bread from the plastic bag and throw some over to the birds, only to have them fly away for a little while.  

“Ah! I think I scared them away.” I say sadly and frown. 

“It’s because of the way you give them the bread. Try to toss instead of throwing.” Tatsuya says wisely.  

“Okay.” I take some more bread and toss it. “Like that?” 

Tatsuya smiles. ‘yeah like that.’ 

I smile back at him and quickly kiss him on the lips. The birds come back and we just sit there until I see Tatsuya shiver lightly.  

“You’re cold.” I say and stand up. 

“No, I’m not.” He says. ‘really cold, take me home.’'

“Come on, I’ll take you home.” I take his mitten covered hand and drag him home.

--- 

When we come home, there’s only the two of us there. Ryo probably went out to meet someone and Kame left a note, saying he had gone out to shop groceries. I take Tatsuya’s hand after, he’s still freezing. I place him on the couch and find the blanket.  

He’s shaking and silently a wrap my arms around him and rub his back, trying to get some warmth into his bones.  

‘cold…’  

I feel stupid, I shouldn’t have said yes to go to the park, but I know that if I didn’t he would’ve pouted at me. When he pouts I immediately give in, no matter what it is, and almost every time it gets me into trouble with Ryo and Kame. Ryo because he hates it when Tatsuya gets sick, he feels it he says, it’s not uncommon that Ryo falls sick a few hours or a day after Tatsuya has fallen sick. A sick Ryo is always annoying, he demands that I do everything.  

Tatsuya sneezes and I sigh inwardly. This is just great, I have to deal with a sick Tatsuya now, and soon a sick Ryo. I drag him up from the couch and into Ryo’s bedroom. After I tucked him in, I kiss him on the cheek and go out to prepare some tea.  

‘Jin…’

I don’t hear anything else now and silently trudge over to Ryo’s room. I see him sleep under all the covers and I smile sadly.  

--- 

Tatsuya is still sleeping when Ryo comes home. Ryo is sneezing and the moment he comes to the living room I give him a cup of tea and usher him into his room. He sits on the bed and looks at Tatsuya with a tender look. My heart cracks and I turn to leave. 

“Get lots of rest.” I say and close the door behind me.  

--- 

It’s night and I decide to check up on Tatsuya. He hasn’t been up much today after we got home, only to eat and take his medicine. I open the door as quietly as possible and look inside. Ryo and Tatsuya are sleeping in each others embrace and both has a smile on their face. My heart breaks this time and as I close the door I have tears running down my cheeks. I can hear Kame open the door to his bedroom and I turn to go back to mine. 

“Soon, Jin. Soon.” I hear him say before he closes the door again. 

 A/N: There's chapter 3. It's not long since I updated this last, so I'm somewhat proud! I hope you like this chapter, even if it's a little short, it's a lot harder to writing in pov than it looks, or at least I think so. Comments are appreciated!